Shifting The Paradigm: Men Supporting Men

How many men in contemporary American culture feel supported and encouraged on a regular basis by their fathers, brothers, male friends, male co-workers, etc.? Why is it that women are much better at emotionally supporting one another than men are? Why is it that so many women feel like their male partners are not emotionally available? What is it about men expressing the full range of their emotions that is so taboo in our culture? These are a few of the questions that I would like to address in this blog. 

I believe that much of the answer lies in the cultural norms that we instill in our children at a very young age. Many young boys across our nation are told not to cry by their fathers and male authority figures. For example, "Men don't cry", "Be a man and suck it up", "Don't be a wuss". How many times have we all heard this from our fathers, brothers, sports coaches, male friends, etc. throughout our lives? It is phrases like this that lead young boys & grown men to recoil from the outward expression of their innermost emotional experiences. Men are taught by other men to not express the full range of their emotions for fear of showing any sign of vulnerability or weakness. Men in our culture are trained from a very young age to have their emotional guard up at all times and to show only a side of them that is tough, strong, self-reliant, dependable, etc.

However, what is the cost of this outdated model of manhood? What is it like to be a man in our culture and not feel comfortable sharing your inner experiences with others for fear of being ostracized or emasculated? What is it like to be in a relationship with a man who is not comfortable being emotionally vulnerable? I imagine that this cultural norm leaves many men and their respective partners, family members, and friends feeling very lonely and unsuccessful at connecting with one another on a deeper human level. In a lot of ways, I believe that men in our culture need additional training in how to communicate with others emotionally and how to support one another on an emotional level. This is a training that we as men do not typically receive from our families, communities, and culture as a whole. It is not in the training manual for becoming a man.

So, how do we begin to shift this cultural paradigm? How do we teach men to become more aware of and expressive of their emotions? How do we help men to become more emotionally supportive of one another and their loved ones? I believe that therapy is one of the ways that men can begin to learn and practice these skills. Within the therapeutical alliance that is formed in the context of effective therapy, men can begin to express their innermost emotional experiences in a supportive, encouraging, and non-judgmental environment. Therapy can provide a safe place for men to explore their deepest emotions and learn to become more comfortable sharing them with others. If you or anyone you know may benefit from getting started with therapy, please contact us by phone at (828) 424-0014 to learn more about how we can help today. 

Marc McKinnis, M.A., LCMHC